Sister Christian

Oh the time has come

And you know that you're the only one

To say O.K.

Where you going

What you looking for

You know those boys

Don't want to play no more with you

It's true



You're motoring

What's your price for flight

In finding mister right

You'll be alright tonight



Babe you know

You're growing up so fast

And mama\'s worrying

That you won't last

To say let's play

Sister Christian

There's so much in life 

Don't you give it up

Before your time is due

It's true

It's true yeah



Motoring

What's your price for flight

You've got him in your sight

And driving thru the night

Motoring

What's your price for flight

In finding mister right

You'll be alright tonight



Motoring

What's your price for flight

In finding mister right

You'll be alright tonight

(repeat)



Sister Christian

Oh the time has come

And you know that you're the only one

To say O.K.

But you're motoring

You're motoring

This masterpiece was written and sung by Kelly Keagy, not Jack Blades. I’m not saying they’re better than Journey, but Night Ranger definitely has to be top 5 all time.

While Incipiat Turba has no interest in becoming the new TMZ, we are obligated to follow up on any relevant Air Yugoslavia news.

Peja’s illegitimate child is none other than Transformers star Shia Labeouf:

It’s so obvious.

If I’m not mistaken, that would be from David Cross’ guest appearance on the hit NBC sitcom “Just Shoot Me.” He was pretending to be retarded so people would do things for him and then someone figured it out and got him to admit it and then he said that and then David Spade’s character said something so funny that it made everyone forget the name “Chris Farley.” Oh man, that was a good episode.

Then again, “chicken pot chicken pot chicken pot pie” isn’t all that unusual a saying. Maybe it came from somewhere else and I didn’t need to admit that I ever watched “Just Shoot Me.”

According to Brian Regan:

“I have a friend who swears by food combinations – have you heard of this nonsense? She’s nuts, she’s like, ‘You know what, you should eat food combinations, and that way you can eat whatever you want. It’s just the combinations of how you put the food together. You can eat whatever you want.’ And then her examples are like, ‘Like you wouldn’t want to eat like, um, steak . . . and potatoes . . . together. But you could have like a lemon rind and – and raisin skins. Not the whole raisin, take the skins and steam ‘em. You can eat whatever you want. You can – you can eat whatever you want!’“

It is the pinnacle of readiness. To be “humbabe’n’ it” is to be prepared for anything. Crazy Willy Wixom taught us that. I am thankful every time I get behind the wheel of a car that I know how to mumble “humbabe” under my breath so that I don’t drive off of a cliff.

humbabe

humbabe

humbabe

Dick Cheney has no role in the House of Representatives. His role in the Senate is discussed in the Constitution, Article I, Section 3:

The Vice President of the United States shall be President of the Senate, but shall have no vote, unless they be equally divided. He shall not advise any Senator to “fuck off,” unless that Senator be asking for it.

Of course, that’s all moot once the terrorists “attack” shortly before the presidential election and Cheney takes over as president, declares martial law, indefinitely postpones the election, and suspends the Constitution. Then the House and the Senate will both be abolished and the U.S. can annex the Sudetenland . . .

That may have been too much information.

John Stamos, best known for his role as “Uncle Jesse” on the TV series Full House has been plenty busy since the conclusion of that show. Have you not seen his kickass collect call commercials? Besides that, he’s had numerous projects which have filled his time. He only recently completed producing, and later consuming a rather successful peanut butter and jelly sandwich. When asked what made him most proud of the sandwich, Stamos replied “I just really nailed it, ya know? I just had this vision and I got it right. It’s all about the balance, it really is. You gotta know how much PB to mix with your J.” On the subject of being permanently associated with his Full House character, Stamos denied it affected his career: “People always ask me about that. It’s not like I’m really anything like that character. Look at me. Jesse was always worried about his hair and whatnot. I haven’t showered in like 4 days. Seriously. Also, my character had this huge Elvis obsession. I think Milli Vanilli were much better artists to be perfectly honest. By the way, have you seen my wife? She’s hot don’t you think? I bet you wish you could have sex with her. Yeah… me too.”

Social networks are all the rage these days. One of the primary activities is the updating of status messages. Normally, people just update their status with inane bits of text like “OMG, just had a sandwich,” or “Tested positive. If you’re reading this, you probably also have HIV.” The correct way to update your status is to record a new metal song and then upload it. That way everyone will be reminded that your status is still, and will always be “GRIM.”

There ya go. Now you have what you were looking for.

The political organization which lobbies for the interests of old folks is called the American Association of Retired Persons. It’s the most powerful lobbying organization in the United States, but most old people join to get the senior discounts, ignorant of its actual agenda. It would be like if people joined the NRA because you could get a discount simply for being an NRA member and a jackass. Obviously being a jackass is part of the NRA agenda, but there’s a little more to it than that.